Well, The Great Gatsby is out

So, I started reading F. Scott Fitzgerald classic, The Great Gatsby.
Yeah, that's not going to happen. 10 pages into it I'm like "Wait does he live in East Egg or West Egg? What part of Manhattan is this? What are these notes in the margin? Gatsby is a figure of his imagination? Who is this person I'm reading about?"
Nuts to that! So I'm still searching. I have gotten some suggestions, and I'll be looking for those next. Here is a list of other books I have already ruled out:

Dante's Inferno: I get it. We're all going to hell. And after the first four levels it doesn't seem like that great of a place.
War and Peace: Irony. The greatest masters of the English language are Russian. Irony.
Anything by Stephen King: I like King, but I read a lot of his stuff years ago. Plus, what is the toaster evil now? How about the coffee pot? He has to have run out of ideas by now.
Anything by Dean Koontz: See Stephen King Passage.
The Da Vinci Code, Cold Mountain, Bridges of Madison County: I've seen the movies.
The novelization of any movies: Books written after the movies are released are worse than anything.
Autobiographies: If it's not good enough for the Biography Channel, it's not good enough for me!

Back to the library for me.