My moratorium on American Idol has ended
I bit my tongue last week as Sanjaya squeaked by and I silently cheered as Halley exited. This week, Mad Mad Media will once again be discussing American Idol.
It was a nice vacation, but now it's time to get back to work.
So. Tonight Martina McBride will be giving the singers pointers. Here's what I think she's telling them right now...
LaKisha: You've got this big voice, but you seem content imitating other singers. You have to let yourself come out screaming if you want to win this thing.
Blake: What the hell is beat boxing? In country music we call that spitting tobacco. You know, I heard this band once called 311 that sounded just like you. You should check them out; I think you'd like them.
Jordin: You rock. Just keep your head in the game and you're going to do great.
Melinda: You have a great voice, but your demeanor after you get a complement is unacceptable. “Aw Shucks” only works the first 20 or 30 times. It's time for you to stop it with the “You Really Mean That” crap and act like you own the joint.
Phil: Grow some hair; you're freaking me out. I keep thinking, “Why is Billy Corgan on American Idol?”
Chris: You're still here? Where's Gina?
Sanjaya: People really don't like you. At first I couldn't see why, because you seem like a nice enough kid, but then you opened your mouth to sing. Remember Superstar USA, that fake American Idol show with Vitamin C where judges promoted the really bad singers onto the finale? That's the show you're supposed to be on. You really aren't good. I understand why votefortheworst.com picked you. And did you eat an onion sandwich or something? Dang. Really, between the noise and the smell, you have to stop singing. It's just gone on for too long. I can't believe that America is still voting for you. You have single-handedly made a mockery of the mockery that is American Idol. Wait, did I just say all of that out loud? No ... good. You're going to do great tonight Sanjaya. Oh, it's four hours before show time; you need to start doing your hair.
Well, that's what I think is going on anyway. Tune in tomorrow for my thoughts on tonight's American Idol.
It was a nice vacation, but now it's time to get back to work.
So. Tonight Martina McBride will be giving the singers pointers. Here's what I think she's telling them right now...
LaKisha: You've got this big voice, but you seem content imitating other singers. You have to let yourself come out screaming if you want to win this thing.
Blake: What the hell is beat boxing? In country music we call that spitting tobacco. You know, I heard this band once called 311 that sounded just like you. You should check them out; I think you'd like them.
Jordin: You rock. Just keep your head in the game and you're going to do great.
Melinda: You have a great voice, but your demeanor after you get a complement is unacceptable. “Aw Shucks” only works the first 20 or 30 times. It's time for you to stop it with the “You Really Mean That” crap and act like you own the joint.
Phil: Grow some hair; you're freaking me out. I keep thinking, “Why is Billy Corgan on American Idol?”
Chris: You're still here? Where's Gina?
Sanjaya: People really don't like you. At first I couldn't see why, because you seem like a nice enough kid, but then you opened your mouth to sing. Remember Superstar USA, that fake American Idol show with Vitamin C where judges promoted the really bad singers onto the finale? That's the show you're supposed to be on. You really aren't good. I understand why votefortheworst.com picked you. And did you eat an onion sandwich or something? Dang. Really, between the noise and the smell, you have to stop singing. It's just gone on for too long. I can't believe that America is still voting for you. You have single-handedly made a mockery of the mockery that is American Idol. Wait, did I just say all of that out loud? No ... good. You're going to do great tonight Sanjaya. Oh, it's four hours before show time; you need to start doing your hair.
Well, that's what I think is going on anyway. Tune in tomorrow for my thoughts on tonight's American Idol.
posted by Eric LaRose at
3:14 PM
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